As the Christmas season wraps up with the Feast of the Epiphany, I’m often struck by how Joseph felt, what he thought. This is a bit of musing about Joseph and his perspective on the Christmas miracle.
It has been the craziest couple of weeks. But they fit perfectly with the insanity of the past few months. If hindsight is 20/20 then what is foresight? I could use a little of that right now.
Hmm… What to do … what to do?
She’s not feeling well. I’ve got to find a place for her to sit awhile. Stay calm. My heart has been pounding out of my chest for weeks because of stress and worry. If I freak out, she will, too.
I’m trying to wrap my mind around the baby, plus this trip through the mountains. Why in the world are we doing this? This government is insane, although I’d never say that aloud. I can see the lights of Bethlehem. Thank God!
There are so many people here. This is ridiculous. I thought we’d easily find a place to stay. I just didn’t think our plans through. We were in such a hurry. A friendly innkeeper offered the only solution when he saw how pregnant Mary is.
Now, we have no choice but to sleep in a dirty cave. Mary says we’ll be fine. She’s sweet and calm. I’m sweaty and stunned. I’m such a failure. I had so much on my mind. I thought there was more time. If we would have left a couple of days earlier, I might have been able to find a place for us to stay.
As I help Mary off the donkey, I can’t help but run the scene from a few months ago through my mind. It’s kind of a never-ending loop. I try to pray my way out of it every time it pops in my head, which is a lot.
When I saw that she was pregnant, I was blown away. Why did this happen? How could this happen?
At first, I was angry. Then, I was sad. I felt betrayed. How was there another man? I figured I’d just cancel the wedding quietly, not tell anyone. It’s rough keeping the gossip mongers at bay, though. I love her. I just wasn’t sure what to do. One thing I knew was that I couldn’t let anything horrible happen to her.
I must be insane because when she explained, I didn’t believe her, but I did, too. The look on her face was so convincing.
Then, I had the wildest dream. An angel came to warn me not to be afraid. Yeah, right. He told me that she wasn’t lying. Told me I was chosen to protect them, to love them and to raise the baby. He said I could choose.
I cried. I prayed. I pulled my hair out. I was sick and tired. I decided to trust God. What would you do?
When my friends asked about her, I told them we’re in love and that’s all that matters. We’re a team and the baby, my baby, will be cared for. That mostly shut them up.
I hurried to prepare the house, our home, for Mary and the baby. Now we’re hurrying because the government came up with this census thing. We’ve walked 90 miles this week, I’m exhausted. She’s exhausted. I’m terrified the baby is coming soon.
Oh no! The baby is coming! Mary is in pain, but she isn’t screaming like I’ve heard other women do. I want to scream. I’ve never done anything like this before – that’s what the midwives do. Lord help me to know what to do. Lord forgive me for my ignorance and fear and help me to help her. Please keep us safe in this filthy place. Oh, why didn’t I get us a room!
She did it! I’m not sure how, but I prayed my head off. He’s here! He’s beautiful! He’s radiant.
I’m amazed at how magnificent they both are. My heart is bursting with love. I’m praising God along with all these weird shepherds that are running around us wanting a peek at our baby. Where did they come from?
I’m laughing. I’m crying. I’m exhausted.
Is that angels singing? I must be delirious.
Mary is resting. It’s quiet now. Just the three of us and a few cows and sheep are huddled close to the fire to keep him warm. As terrified as I am, I thank God over and over for this miracle. God asked me to trust him and I did. The whole thing is amazing. Awe-inspiring, really.
This is a huge responsibility. Will I have enough money to provide for him? Will I be able to teach him anything? Am I up to the task? I hope so. Do I have to change diapers? I hope not.
As I look at this beautiful baby’s face, I am overwhelmed with love. I see his radiance all around us and mine matches the glow on Mary’s face. My faith is in God. I know he will protect me while I protect this beautiful little family. I’m going to be the best father ever. I’ll love Mary and Jesus until the day I die.
I can’t fathom that he is the Savior of the World, but God told us that he is.
I wonder if he’ll call me Dad.